Good day

Today I attended my first baby shower. It was a lot of fun and at the same time revealed a little too much information on things I’m not too ready to hear just yet. The baby shower was for one of my good friends from work, Sam.  The baby shower took place at the yacht club in Sheboygan, close to the lake front. I have known same for almost two years and have watched her go from thinking she was pregnant to actually being very pregnant, now at almost 8 months with twins.

A little before she first found out that she was pregnant we were at Paradigm just having a nice time out to talk in an environment outside of work. She probably got up off the couch to go pee like five different times. The whole time I was telling her that she was pregnant and she kept repeating how she didn’t want to get her hopes up just in case she wasn’t. Today I just kind of thought about how I’ve watched her grow literally. She’s grown physically and mentally and I’ve been really thankful that I got to witness it.

When I got invited to the baby shower I obviously had to go shopping. She had registered for the shower at target so that is where I went obviously. Not only did I get diapers, but I got burp cloths and pacifiers. I made sure to get a card and then wrap the present in her favorite colors and although there were a few things I messed up on along the way, she was very happy when she opened my gift and thankfully there was no duplicates. The card that I had gotten was incorrect but she just kind of laughed at it, it was after all my first time having anything to do with babies.

I guess what I’ve slowly come to realize throughout this whole process is that yes I really do eventually want to have children when before I was never so sure. My mom had always been crazy about babies and it drove me nuts but now I can see why. There is obviously something all soon to be mothers and those raising their children have in common. That mom glow. They radiate a kind of crazy nervous and hectic happiness that you don’t witness anywhere else and I’ extremely happy for her! She is going to be a great mom to both of her yet to be named twins who are both boy and girl.

Let's Not Get Carried Away

            Up until a few days ago I couldn’t remember the last simple thing I had done, I mean something truly simple. Not intricate or complicated; just cut and dry simple. I quickly remember how easy it can be to center myself when I simply pick up a book and read for an hour or two with a nice steaming cup of coffee next to me. Reading is my favorite past time by far and for a while I didn’t read much of anything ad what’s crazy is that I felt more scatter brained than ever. After simply picking up a book and finishing it within a couple days I felt like I had reconnected with a long lost friend.

            Everyone has something that they enjoy doing, and it just comes easily to them. Although this is subjective I believe that when you find something that you truly enjoy it simply comes to you. For instance, if someone really enjoys painting and they are good at it, it will simply come to them; they don’t really have to try to feel better once they’ve started. For me on the other hand, art is stressful because I know for a fact that I’m no good at it no matter how hard I try; even if I know I don’t have to take myself too seriously I just don’t enjoy it. For something to feel simple and still be enjoyable you have to truly like it.

            Finding something that you enjoy that comes easily can be no easy task. Most people learn what they like easy on and when I say something that is simply easy I mean something that you can quick pick up around the house or go out and do that just makes you feel complete. It could make you feel like you accomplished something or just simply put you in a better state of mind. It’s easy and simple and you could lose yourself in it if you really wanted too. For me this is reading.

            I absolutely love reading; it can be anything from a regular novel to something completely different to picture captions in a book. When I say that I enjoy reading, it really has no limits and I am always willing to lose sleep if I’m reading a great book. It’s simple really, there are books all over my house and all I do is pick them up and get comfortable and I just instantly feel better. It’s a pick me up that I will never tire of and while I keep enjoying my past time, my mini library will surely grow to be much larger.

Decisions, Decisions

There are many decisions I have made that were difficult. The decisions that I have made that were important and difficult were never easily reached. They took a lot of time and consideration and during the time it took make to me them I stressed myself out quite a lot. One of the more recent decisions I had to make was whether or not to keep my second job while going through school. Unfortunately I had to turn in my two weeks’ notice to my second job.
            Throughout the whole time it took me to make that decision I put myself through unbelievable amounts of stress because my intentions when I had applied for the job was definitely not to leave as soon as I did. I was fortunate enough to be told that I always had a place at my other job if I were to ever want to come back. This in turn made me realize that I never should have stressed as much as I did because either way it had to be done. I’m glad to say that not only do I have a job to go back to but I learned a very important lesson; never stress out about the inevitable.
            After going through this decision I was extremely relieved and started to think about other decisions I had made that had been difficult and I came to the conclusion that I had always made the same mistake. Obviously every important decision that is important takes a lot of time to make but it should never take that much stress, if you know you have to do it then why freak out about it so much and in turn make every other aspect of your day so hard to get through? I now feel really silly that I was always so worried because every time I had to make a decision it turned out just fine and in my favor. I have never once regretted one of those decisions other than the process I used to reach a conclusion.
            After thinking thoroughly about all of this, my decisions, the stress and of course the outcomes I no longer feel the need to say that they were very difficult to make because the only difficult thing about them had been dealing with the stress. I always knew what I had to do it was just about carrying them out, I always felt like I had to let someone down. Not only do I need to follow my own advice, but I need to do things for me. When I realized that I needed to leave my second job, it had nothing to do with anyone else but myself and I looked out for my own interests because deep down we all have ourselves put first somewhat. My schooling needed to come first and that was in my best interests. So of course, I left Family Video and the friends that I had made in the meantime but I have never regret my decision to leave.

Fall

               Fall used to be my favorite season of the year. This year however feels a lot different, not more depressing but it just comes as a bad reminder. Fall by far used to be my favorite season of the year because of all of the colors and yes, even the rainy cold days. Another thing to look forward to were the scarves and sweaters, hearing leaves blow around outside, walking into coffee shops and being greeted by the smell of fresh brewed coffee and the warmth that engulfed you once you were inside. This year however, everything just feels heavy and I find myself not being able to enjoy even those rainy cold days that I used to love. Bittersweet would be the perfect word to describe this year, with a larger dose of the bitter half.

                During every fall season that I can ever remember, I’ve been comforted. I used to walk around town every day until I couldn’t feel my toes with all of my friends. We would take the River walk and just enjoy being with friends or in my case the outdoors. I looked forward to all of the goodies and smells that always come along with cold weather, apple pie, my mom’s pumpkin bread and candles in every room of the house. I even looked forward to spending time with myself and being able to look outside and see it, it sounds silly but I swear every other year I slept so good during those few transition months before winter.

                This fall is different. This year isn’t quite as nice as the last couple of years. The weather is still nice, I still look forward to the same things and I still plan on carving pumpkins, going to coffee shops and raking leaves. Even though I still plan on doing all of those things, the feeling that comes combined with all of those things just makes me feel exhausted all of the time. It doesn’t stop me from enjoying things out of my everyday life but it does bring back everything I would really wish never would’ve happened. It reminds me of the things that I have to live without.

                Of all of the horrible things that came out of last fall, there are some good things; I guess you could call it a silver lining. A lot of our distant friends all came together, friends that had gone away to college, friends I had just lost touch with. I started to really realize all that I had. Not only did it help to determine what I had but what those things meant to me and what I meant to them. I’m not angry about what happened, and I don’t regret the last words I said to him but I’ll always wish I had been able to tell him what he meant to me. Travis Charles Born was like an older brother to me, the goofy guy that never did anyone wrong and never deserved to die as young as he did. This fall will be bittersweet, I love this season but miss one of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.

R.I.P Travis Charles Born 10/17/10

               

Jane Eyre - The Movie, Not The Book

The movie Jane Eyre by director Cari Joji Fukunaga has had many great reviews from a number of prominent publications which I recently read after watching the movie. To be honest, it has become one of my new favorites; but then again that’s not a surprise considering the same thing happened after I read Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice followed by the 2005 version of the film. Maybe it’s just my love for classic literature that always has me falling in love with these kinds of movies, but from start to finish this movie was amazing. I think I might finally dig out my copy of the book from my bookshelf and then re-watch the movie a couple of times; but not before I give a brief overview of the film and my thoughts on it.

            The beginning of the film shows the main character Jane Eyre (Mia Wasikowska) running away from a house while constantly looking behind her. She travels through the rain, over long flat lands right up until you get the impression she’s about to give up when she finds a house. The owner of the house St. John Rivers (Jamie Bell) takes her in where she is taken care of by his two sisters. They give her a place to stay and question her about where she came from and who she is. When Jane gives them a fake name and hardly any hint as to where she came from, Rivers and his sisters seem content with the answers Jane gives them. Rivers lets Jane stay while he actively looks to find her work; which he does after finding out her educational background. This is where we begin to find out what happened to her and where she came from.

               If you have read the book then you know what to expect from the film. From what I’ve read of the reviews, it doesn’t vary far from the original version of the book by Charlotte Bronte. However, if you do watch the trailer first, it can be somewhat deceiving. The trailer gives nothing away about the actual storyline and instead shrouds the entire story in a kind of dark mystery. This is somewhat accurate but at the same time should not be looked at as a defining character of the film itself. Without giving this away, it is a love story but in the most non-girly and crazy happy way. It is a dark story, it has it’s troubling moments and certainly a twist I myself did not expect. I would say it is extremely bizarre but very well done and certainly worth a watch. I know that I will be sure to purchase this film for my own collection.
            Although I absolutely love this film, there were things that did confuse me. The twist for instance, I seriously did not see that coming. During the film, the first mention of any kind of mystery is from the ward of the master of the house, a little French girl Adele Varens (Romy Settbon Moore). She tells Jane that her sister has seen a woman with dark hair walk the halls at night. The next strange event to occur is a fire that gets set in Edward Rochester’s (Michael Fassbender) room. Rochester is the master of the house and swears Jane to secrecy when she wakes him to save him from the fire. The next incident is rather blunt. A visitor to the house, whom is not described but treated with extreme importance, gets attacked in the middle of the night and end up with extremely grotesque wounds on his body including a bite mark on his neck. I swear this film has nothing to do with vampires but even that threw me for a loop. Jane is again sworn to secrecy after Rochester asks her to take care of the visitor while he goes to get a doctor. Sometime after this happens is when you finally find out what is going on and GASP we get taken back to the beginning scene of the movie.  I’m not going to say how this movie ends, but honestly I think it’s worth a watch. This movie held my attention from start to finish and by the end of it I was thoroughly surprised; I would say this could arguably be the best movie of the year.