Fall

               Fall used to be my favorite season of the year. This year however feels a lot different, not more depressing but it just comes as a bad reminder. Fall by far used to be my favorite season of the year because of all of the colors and yes, even the rainy cold days. Another thing to look forward to were the scarves and sweaters, hearing leaves blow around outside, walking into coffee shops and being greeted by the smell of fresh brewed coffee and the warmth that engulfed you once you were inside. This year however, everything just feels heavy and I find myself not being able to enjoy even those rainy cold days that I used to love. Bittersweet would be the perfect word to describe this year, with a larger dose of the bitter half.

                During every fall season that I can ever remember, I’ve been comforted. I used to walk around town every day until I couldn’t feel my toes with all of my friends. We would take the River walk and just enjoy being with friends or in my case the outdoors. I looked forward to all of the goodies and smells that always come along with cold weather, apple pie, my mom’s pumpkin bread and candles in every room of the house. I even looked forward to spending time with myself and being able to look outside and see it, it sounds silly but I swear every other year I slept so good during those few transition months before winter.

                This fall is different. This year isn’t quite as nice as the last couple of years. The weather is still nice, I still look forward to the same things and I still plan on carving pumpkins, going to coffee shops and raking leaves. Even though I still plan on doing all of those things, the feeling that comes combined with all of those things just makes me feel exhausted all of the time. It doesn’t stop me from enjoying things out of my everyday life but it does bring back everything I would really wish never would’ve happened. It reminds me of the things that I have to live without.

                Of all of the horrible things that came out of last fall, there are some good things; I guess you could call it a silver lining. A lot of our distant friends all came together, friends that had gone away to college, friends I had just lost touch with. I started to really realize all that I had. Not only did it help to determine what I had but what those things meant to me and what I meant to them. I’m not angry about what happened, and I don’t regret the last words I said to him but I’ll always wish I had been able to tell him what he meant to me. Travis Charles Born was like an older brother to me, the goofy guy that never did anyone wrong and never deserved to die as young as he did. This fall will be bittersweet, I love this season but miss one of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.

R.I.P Travis Charles Born 10/17/10